so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
