Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
