that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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