Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
false alarm, still single
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