its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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