My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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