i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
