Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
