He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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