Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize