I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no, he came in my armpit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
