Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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