People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
