I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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