I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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