he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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