He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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