Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
