Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
