everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
