Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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