Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
