Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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