He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
