uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
