My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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