I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
