We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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