if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
