Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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