There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize