I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
