Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
