I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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