his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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