brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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