the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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