im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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