mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
