Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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