Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
