You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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