I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
