I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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