I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
