Kiss
Puke
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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