Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
