i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
