I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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