your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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