Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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