I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
NoShamevember. You game?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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