Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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