Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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