When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
