i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
