So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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