If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
