so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
