Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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