Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
