My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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