She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
