I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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