First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
